Market forces [January 16, 2010]

Five of Amsterdam's seven city centre market managers arrested for taking bribes from stall holders, the Parool reported on Saturday.

The paper says the police used undercover officers to uncover the fraud, which, after all, worked to the advantage of both the managers and the stallholders themselves. I give you a small tip and you turn a blind eye to me parking my car in the wrong place or give me a sign when a stall comes vacant on the sunny site of the market. Hardly surprising that the police investigation met a blank wall when stallholders were questioned.

Now it remains to be seen if the city council can make sure market rules are now met. For example, some 20 stalls on the Waterlooplein market are not run by the permit holders, but have been 'rented out' by the stallholder to someone else, the paper says.

A raid on the managers' office in the town hall apparently turned up over 30,000 euros.... That's what they call a free market economy.

Nothing to be proud of

Rita Verdonk's Amsterdam campaign leader seems to be digging herself into ever more holes... so it will be a miracle if she even makes it to the local elections on March 3. Addie Schulte, in his Amsterdam Republic column in the Parool, recounts how he tried to interview the hapless Ans van der Velde at 8.30am but was told to phone back later because it was too early.

Which he did. And what gem did the leader of the local chapter of Proud of the Netherlands come up with? 'If you are for renewal you are for change'. Wow. And she refused to talk about the fact she no longer works at the city council bus firm as social worker - 'let us just say we separated'. Doubtless someone will dig up the truth soon enough.

More to the point, what is the bus firm doing with a social worker anyway?

A question of taste [January 11, 2010]

The headless violin player near our street has acquired a very nice dress to keep him warm during the big freeze.

Election news
So Rita Verdonk's stupidly named party Trots op Nederland is going to contest the local elections in the Netherlands is it? Apparently the lovely Rita has found enough suitable candidates to take part in 38 elections.

In Amsterdam the campaign is being led by former VVD member Ans van der Velde. This is a literal translation of part of an interview with her in the Parool.

What do you want to achieve?
More openness in government. Amsterdammer no longer think they are being listened to. The language of normal folk is rarely heard. We want more blue on the street (police on the beat), by utilising the police in other ways. We have enough to say about the police.

But the local council has very little to say about the police.
If we want to employ the police in other ways, they can be more on the street and less in their stations. Really, we have enough to say about the police.

And financially?
We have to look again at what we subsidise.

So you would like to cut some local council subsidies?
We have to look at where the money goes. But I don't have an answer at the moment.

Oh boy. What a well-rehearsed, dynamic, full of brilliant ideas candidate you've found for the capital, Rita.

Hot air on cold days [January 9, 2010]

Sometimes you have to wonder about the big brains supposedly running this city. This week the Parool carries the story of a city centre couple who thought they would do their bit towards going green by installing solar panels on the roof of their Prinsengracht home.

They were granted a city council subsidy and the panels were installed when along came other city officials to tell the couple the solar panels had to go. The city centre is a 'protected view' and nasty solar panels do not fit on the roofs of Prinsengracht mansions. They got a council grant to place them and now the council says they have to take the panels off. And this from the city which wants to become the 'solar and wind energy capital' of the Netherlands. Yet more hot air and wasted energy from the bigwigs in the town hall.

Still, good to see that Amsterdam coffee company Simon Lévelt is doing its bit for the environment and sustainability. This week we bought a pack of their caféorganico which had no less than six 'good product' labels: the traditional Eco and Agriculture Biologique marks plus the Rainforest alliance, Swedish eco standard KRAV, UTZ Certified (good inside, whatever that means) and Bird Friendly - awarded by the Smithsonian Migratory Bird Centre.

An igloo in Amsterdam [January 7, 2010]

Spotted on an Amsterdam canal. What you can't see in this picture is the delightful jagged ice barrier which the boys have built to protect their igloo from oncoming traffic.

It's very cold out there tonight. The back yard is still under its coat of snow and the birds have disappeared.

Let it snow, let it snow [January 6, 2010]

Town is beautiful in its white robes and the canals are full of people walking around with smiles on their faces. We saw a few rats running around getting cold feet as they dug into garbage bags. Lots of amateur photography going on as well. I can't seem to suss out the camera to get that proper soft snow glow.

The little girl next door cleaned our stoop for €2.

Happy 2010 [January 1, 2010]

It's a kind of pathetic start to the New Year when you are out watching millions of euros go up i smoke and discover the camera battery is out of power. So you are forced to take pictures of the rubbish left behind after the festivities to illustrate the first day of January 2010 instead.

New Year seemed quieter this year, but the display by businessman Joost Ritman at the top of the Bloemgracht was as fab as ever. Ritman, who made his fortune with disposable airline cutlery, does it every year, out of the goodness of his heart. And shows the city what a success an organised firework display can be. Thank you sir.

Wandered home through a few snowflakes and to bed. Woken this morning by gulls attaching the oliebollen some twit had chucked onto the roof of the shed at the bottom of the garden.

Happy 2010.

A comeback for Rob Oudkerk? [September 9, 2009]

Oh boy. The Telegraaf reports that Rob Oudkerk, the charming former city council official who was forced to quit after admitting consorting with street hookers several years ago, could be in line to head up the city's centrum borough council next year.

Red Light District tops over-rated attraction poll [September 7, 2009]

Amsterdam's Red Light District is the most over-rated tourist attraction in the country, according to visitors to website Z24. Some 22% of readers voted for the Wallen, with its 'dirty streets, drunken tourists and sad women behind the windows', the website said. Second on the list was Madame Tussauds waxwork museum and third a canal boat trip.

A visit to Ransdorp tower [July 11, 2009]

Ransdorp is a little village just north of Amsterdam - a traditional little village with a few wooden houses, a pretty church (complete with wedding) and a squared-off tower. This summer the tower is open to the public and this is part of the view from the top over towards the IJsselmeer. At Holysloot just up the road - which is a dead-end for cars but has a tiny bike only ferry over the water - you can rent a little boat with an electric motor. 020 490 4612. Good for a summer picnic

A postcard from Amsterdam [July 7, 2009]

The reverse side of this little gem reads 'excellent quality. guaranteed by Uitgeverij Van der Meulen, Sneek, Holland'. Now you know where not to get your postcards made.

A cruise around the port [July 5, 2009]

Advertised in the Parool a few weeks ago - a cruise round Amsterdam Port, the bits where ordinary mortals can rarely go. Seemed like a good idea so I booked two tickets and off we went on Sunday afternoon.

All aboard the good ship Euro (wierd name but there you go). Sunshine so no places left outside - the early birds had grabbed chairs and tables to make themselves comfortable. So we were stuck inside, which had the other disadvantage... we could hear the guide too too well.

We should have known it was trouble when she started off rattling on about how they built the IJ tunnel and the Noord-Zuid metro, while we sailed off in the opposite direction. I'll spare you the details, but she said zeg maar an awful lot.

And she did not know much about the port either.

Coal mountains

Apparently artificial fertilizer is used in the making of soft drinks.... And coal, zeg maar, is not healthy so the people who work in the coal dock are asked to wear masks... And that is a big ship but I won't zeg maar, tell you its name. (The Rochdale 1... owned by housing corporation Rochdale which is at the centre of a major corruption scandal). And those white round things there zeg maar are used to store oil and other things like chemicals. The words storage tank completely escaped her. And cocoa beans have to be kept dry and are used to make chocolate zeg maar.

Then as we neared central station again and passed the modern monstrosities which have obscured Zandhoek from the sea, she told us that the Houten Hoofd (she meant stone or Stenen) was popular with families and you could have a nice meal there and that roof terraces are popular in Amsterdam and no-one can see you.

Oh boy... by the end of the trip we were not much the wiser about the port but in near hysterics. Needless to say she did not get a zeg maar tip.

Hollyhocks on the Bloemgracht on the way home

Amsterdammers: Hendrick [July 5, 2009]

Hendrick has flowing dirty blonde hair which waves past his ears in an arty sweep. He is not tall, but he has presence, helped by fine-cut clothes and a well-tailored camel-coloured overcoat in winter.

He smokes French cigarettes and although raised to be polite, often shows boorish behaviour, especially by badgering waitresses and shop staff. He eats out most nights in trendy city centre restaurants even though he is getting a bit old for some of them. He is usually tipsy at the end of the night.

Hendrick runs a PR company, thought no-one seems to know exactly what he does apart from attend openings and occasionally feature in the gossip columns. Most assume he has family money. He drives a black SUV which he parks where ever he likes.

Hendrick lives in a large apartment on the Keizersgracht, which he shares sometimes with girlfriend Mariske and a cat she bought him. Mariske is 20 and a second-year history of art student at the University of Amsterdam. She has long blonde hair and likes to prance around the flat in skimpy tops and tiny denim skirts.

Hendrick does not have much to talk to her about – she knows nothing about footbll for example – but she looks good on his arm at parties. But he was terribly embarassed when she brought a bunch of her blonde student friends to a restaurant launch and they addressed all his friends as sir.

An almost black hollyhock [July 3, 2009]

The hollyhocks are coming into their own all over the city right now. This one, on the Willemstraat, is almost black.

It's been a hot week. Oldest child finishing school with all the performance that entails - endless partying for it, and endless 'so what are you going to do with the rest of your life' from us. The formal graduation ceremony was hell. Hundreds of parents and teenagers packed into a boiling hot gym while teachers do their best to say something intelligent and or amusing about every child.

Afterwards, as child headed off for fun with friends, we had possibly the worst dinner ever eaten at a city restaurant. Dried up, cold spare ribs, dried up cold corn on the cob and an alleged baked potato which had in fact been boiled and topped with a blob of something white and sticky. Other half was given cold baked sardines and chips which had obviously seen better days and been re-cooked several times. Shape is a sports club on the 2de Hugo de Groot straat and used to do great quiches and chips. What happened?

Honeysuckle in the sun [June 24, 2009]

On the Brouwersgracht. Magnificent

Roadside shrine for a schoolboy [June 24, 2009]

This impromptu shrine has sprung up on the Marnixstraat, where a 12-year-old boy was killed last week. Boris was on his way to school when a lorry drove into him at a notorious traffic black spot. It was the day of the school party, marking the end of his time in primary school. The boy's death has prompted the council to suddenly talk about doing something about the lack of bike lanes on the Marnixstraat - once it has carried out the necessary research of course. Locals have already painted their own zebra crossing on the road.

When is a car not a car II [May 29, 2009]

Not only can you park these little tin cans on the pavement, because they are not officially cars, but you can also park them in invalid bays without buying a parking ticket. The solution to all Amsterdam's parking problems.

How to park your SUV [May 29, 2009]

Those SUVs might be too big for the narrow city canals and their owners might be not exactly the most considerate of drivers but hey, this is a really sociable bit of parking.

Peony thieves - thank you [May 26, 2009]

Thanks indeed to the bastards who snapped the heads off all the peonies growing outside our front window and trampled on them. Nice work.

I thought it was storm damage at first, but the heads have all been broken, not just battered by last night's rain. Never heard thunder like it. A continual roll that lasted almost 10 minutes with lightning over and over again.

Pink roses in Amsterdam [May 25, 2009]

Cycling back along the grand houses overlooking the Sarphatipark there were so many flowers. On a sunny spring day like today, Amsterdam is perfect.

Trees covered with caterpillars [May 24, 2009]

A ghost tree, spotted in the Amsterdamse Bos on Saturday. A group of four trees were entirely covered by dense grey cobweb containing thousands and thousands of caterpillars.

A bit of web searching reveals these to be the caterpillars of the ermine moth, or hyponomeuta padellus. The trees are not damaged and spring back into life when the caterpillars have gone.

When is a car not a car? [May 22, 2009]

This might look like a car, but apparently it is not. According to the advert blazoned on its side, you don't need a driving licence, you don't pay any parking fees and you can park on the pavement.

Plant thieves
Some bastard has stolen our window box... again. It has happened before when we had really beautiful ones, overflowing with summer flowers. This one contained two scabby cordylines. Stolen to order perhaps?

Roses from Amsterdam [May 18, 2009]

It's Spring again, I'll bring again....

The yellow roses are always the first, then come the deep red ones and then the pink and all the other colours. Glorious. (Snapshot)

Tourist draw
According to the Parool newspaper, one in five Amsterdam tourists will not visit the city any more if the council goes ahead with plans to shut half of the coffee shops in the red light district - coffee shop being the misnomer for a cafe where you can buy five grammes of cannabis over the counter.

The research was done by the bright sparks at Amsterdam University and involved 550 tourists who were in the city over the Easter weekend.

So, fewer tourists who come to the city to get off their heads will keep on coming if 26 coffee shops are shut down? Even if another 26 are still open? Really?

Still, it is very unlikely the council will take any notice of this little piece of scaremongering. It wants to attract a better class of tourist to the red light district, with upmarket cafes and sex clubs. And they don't want to be confronted by the pasty-faced travelers who stumble blinking into the daylight after a large piece of space cake. (Paroola)

That wintry feeling [May 12, 2009]

Walking through the drifts of elm seeds is like kicking through snow.

It's back.... [May 11, 2009]

Well that did not take long then. Emptied just last week, our brand new underground garbage collector is filling up already. Actually, this time the problem is two-fold. Firstly, the container is either full or someone has tried to force in a bag too big for the stupidly small entrance and it has jammed. And secondly, no-one collected the 'big garbage'. It says very clearly on the container that the big garbage is collected on Monday. Unfortunately no-one told the council garbage collection service. My neighbour phoned up the complaints hotline and they told her that according to the computer, our rubbish is picked up on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Underground containers be damned.

Taxi driving you mad
The council has published its long-awaited plans to get the city's taxis under control again. So what are we going to to? There will be a 'guest person' to show people to a taxi at central station between 4pm and 2am. Doubtless a massive pay cheque, danger money and a safe house for that nice little job. Then there will be two extra supervisors, who can hand out fines - ditto on the safe house. And mystery guests will 'control' if drivers accept short journeys and don't go to the Dam via Zuidoost. And there might, says the Parool, be tougher demands on taxi drivers who are allowed to use the bus and tram-only lanes - such as making sure they actually know where they are going. Oh boy. They've really seized the bull by the horns then. As the Parool reminds us, a city council bright spark came up with a similar package of ideas way back in 2005.

Post Mortem update
Today four copies of Private Eye arrived. Doubtless posted by the delightful Gemma. A very strange coincidence then that on Friday two of the original missing copies (from early April) turned up. Just after I started making enquiries at Moving Mail about the very late birthday presents. The four replacement copies came via Brussels. From a company based at Brussels airport alled City Link. Most mysterious.

Tayouken Piss [May 8, 2009]

Is he taking the piss or what? This gem of a sculpture, featuring six lifesize copies of Cameroon artist Pascale Tayou, is one of the highlights of an 'international sculpture route' in Amsterdam's Bijlmer district.

The three kilometre route runs from the Kraaienest metro station to the Arena. In total 15 artists are showing their work which has been curated by art historian Helga Lasschuijt.

Tayou's sculpture, under a bridge is called Takouken Piss, les pisseurs d'Amsterdam. He lives in Brussels.

For more on the sculpture route: www.straatvansculpturen.nl

Post Mortem [May 6, 2009]

Am I the only person in town who wonders what on earth has happened to post from the UK?
I've just been forced to contact Private Eye magazine in the UK after realising I have not had a magazine for about eight weeks.

Wisteria [May 4, 2009]

After a few days of sunshine, the wisteria is at its very best.

The street cleaners picked up the mountain of garbage from outside our underground containers this morning. (Garbage Watch)

The problem with peeing II
Interesting letter in today's Parool from Stefanie Blomberg who hits the nail on the head. It is, she says, as if only men have the need to pee. These delightful portable urinals are placed all over the city on festival days - paid for by the oh so generous taxpayer - but what are women supposed to do? Indeed. They either have to hold it in, to put it bluntly, or pay 50 cents to use the loo in a bar. Given both sexes pay taxes and both sexes need to pee, perhaps women could get a discount on this, she suggests. Gentlemen, the choice is yours, she ends her letter. We await their reply with interest. (Paroola)

What a load of rubbish III [May 3, 2009]

Our brand new underground garbage storage system on Sunday night.

The city's most expensive taxi ride [May 2, 2009]

The Parool informs us today that a deal has been reached with taxi company TCA that a trip between the cruise terminal (PTA) and central station - 1.2 kilometers according to Google maps - is €12.50. Even though the maximum nationally-set charge is €7.50 for two kilometers.

However, the higher fee can be charged officially because the journey is so short, both sides tell the paper. Great deal you struck there then, PTA. And no tourist lugging a massive suitcase is going to disagree with you.

There is only one solution to the problem of Amsterdam's taxis. Bring back licences and only give licences to drivers who have proved they can speak at least English and who know where they are going.

The council has promised to unveil its solution for the taxi chaos next month. We await with baited breath.

What a load of rubbish II [May 2, 2009]

Saturday morning, full already

The street cleaners arrive to take away the excess bags

Fifteen minutes later

And an hour later

A week ago they installed an underground rubbish storage system in our street. There are precisely two for our entire block, both sides of the road. Hardly surprising then that they are constantly full. The entrance is also stupidly small. The aim of these systems is to spare the bin men's backs. But not the street. This one will run and run.

What a load of rubbish [May 1, 2009]

Why can't people take their crap home with them?

The problem with peeing (a male problem) [April 29, 2009]

Amsterdam has set up 600 portable urinals around the city to cope with tomorrow's expected excesses. 'A tsunami of urine' is the Parool's headline. Thank you for that, chaps. Why is it women are expected to be able to control their desire to pee all over other people's doorsteps?

The new Ajax away shirt and a few problems with the post... [April 28, 2009]

The new Ajax away shirt - available in the fan shop from May 1. The shirt was unveiled with much pomp on Monday afternoon and will debut on the pitch at next Sunday's match against Sparta.

Wisteria [April 27, 2009]

The wisteria on the sunniest walls is now in full bloom. Amsterdam has the most amazing collection of wisteria. This plant creeps up to the top of the house, frames the attic window and goes on over the roof.

Ready for the off [April 26, 2009]

Three days to go and our local bar is ready for Koninginnedag. Oh boy. This year the council is imposing new rules on boats - apparently there is a 35-page document with all the rules to make sure Koninginnedag goes off smoothly. So no boats over 10 metres long on the Prinsengracht, and no loud music and no beer on board - more than one can and you will be considered a dealer. Well that is all going to be perfectly enforceable is it not?

Martin Bril RIP [April 24, 2009]

Two days ago a much respected Dutch writer and columnist called Martin Bril died of cancer at the age of 49. Bril was an Amsterdammer through and through - he wrote about the city and his life in the Parool and later the Volkskrant. As a foreigner I probably never appreciated the nuances of what he wrote but I used to see him occasionally walking a dog.

So he's dead and the Dutch press have pulled out all the stops. His death was headline news and generated pages of articles in Thursday's Parool and an overload of the Volkskrant website - which set up an online condoleance register, as is now the fashion.

Today, Friday, the Parool's birth marriages and deaths section has nine separate paid-for advertisments pointing out that Bril is dead. His close family have a small, simple one, the next bit of family have a bigger one, then comes a double column announcement from the Parool, a short one from friends and neighbours, then a long column from the Volkskrant signed by the editor....etc etc

The Dutch practise of advertising your grief in the papers - at considerable cost - is an odd one indeed. Bril did very well. It would have been nice to read his comments on the tradition.

Mission accomplished [April 22, 2009]

So, Charles van Renesse of city marketing agency Amsterdam Partners estimates the rather pathetic 'row' about the somewhat tacky advertising campaign for Queen's Day has generated four million euros worth of free publicity. Fantastic work guys.

But at the same time, he now admits that a poster featuring Vladimir Putin in a t shirt which says 'Kiss me, I'm drunk' is a bit off for someone who is a staunch teetotaller.

So the Obama Putin poster has to go. As do the 50,000 free postcards which have been distributed to bars and cafes all over the city. 'That will take two days. If you are quick, you'll have a collector's item,' Van Renesse tells the Parool.

The French are very cross about their poster - featuring Sarkosy and Berlusconi. But there is no move to have that taken off the billboards. Nor has anyone said much about the somewhat buxom Hillary Clinton in an orange afro wig.

Bizarre thing about the entire campaign is that the aim - so says Van Renesse - is to attract foreign visitors to Queen's Day. Quite how they will achieve that when the posters are only going up in Amsterdam itself remains to be seen. Unless Amsterdam Partner was hoping for a bigger row than it actually got.

Perhaps someone out there should be asking exactly what Amsterdam Partners is promoting. Do we really need any more people flocking here on Queen's Day anyway?

A little piece of country [April 21, 2009]

Hard to believe this is just the other side of central station on the water front in Amsterdam Noord. Who lives here?

Plastic waste
Looks like Amsterdam is heading for a run in with the environment minister over its refusal to think about starting separate collections of plastic waste from January next year. Environment minister Jacqueline Cramer says it has to happen but the city's Carolien Gehrels says it is more environment friendly to keep burning plastic waste to make electricity. The council has apparently commissioned a report into the 'environmental balance' between burning and separate collection. Few surprises expected there then.

Dutch girls [April 20, 2009]

Interesting juxtaposition of posters in Amsterdam West. There are an awful lot of posters of silly blondes with their boobs hanging out around at the moment - reminiscent of garage walls circa 1975. Kind of sad really.

Two stepped book cases and a baby bath [April 19, 2009]

This week's haul from the garbage. Spotted on the Prinsengracht. Two small stepped shelving systems - perfect under a flight of stairs and a fine looking baby bath.

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